Sunday, April 11, 2010
As a wise person once said, the Internet is for porn. We have all kinds of porn -- not just sexy grandmas and uninhibited coeds, but Snorks BDSM, Transformers yaoi, and enough masturbating Sailor Senshi to make a Tijuana Bible maker blush.
But oddly, when I think of pornographic webcomics, not a whole lot comes to mind. No, scratch that, not a whole lot of good porny webcomics come to mind. There are plenty of NC-17 images floating around the webcomics world, but the bar for webcomics porn hasn't been set very high. I valiantly attempted to read something called PronQuest, but the sight of all those 3D sprites made my eyes bleed.
And there are plenty of comics that are suggestive, but fall short of actual pornography, and comics with lots of NSFW images that aren't porny in the least.
So what is the seeker of quality pornographic webcomics to do? Well, there's Slipshine, a collection of webcomics porn, boasting strips from Josh Lesnick, Phil Foglio, and over a dozen other creators. But Slipshine costs $89.99 a year -- although they swear the phrase "webcomics porn" never appears on your credit card statement. For those who prefer their hand-drawn porn free, you might want to take a gander at these comics:
Sexy Losers: This here's the great-grandaddy of great pornographic webcomics, although it's important to note that Sexy Losers (once The Thin H Line), probably wasn't meant to be titillating. Instead, it pokes fun at a wide variety of fetishes, sexual acts, and relationships. Let's put it this way: the recurring characters include a guy who thinks masturbation is the height of human experience, a woman who longs to sleep with her son, a necrophiliac who constantly follows around a suicidal girl (thus thwarting her attempts at suicide), and a fairy who breathe life into sex toys. Sexy Losers ended years ago, but it still holds a warm place in my black and twisted heart. As a teenager, I read this on my parents' dial-up and learned far more about sexual fetishes than I ever cared to. But hey, it was pretty damn funny and it gifted the Internet with the word "fap."
Oglaf: Oglaf is a spiritual successor to Sexy Losers, but it's not nearly as nightmare-inducing. Instead of focusing on the missteps of copraphages and necrophiliacs, Oglaf imagines the full range of sexual misadventures one might find in a high fantasy universe. There's that poor sorceress's apprentice who's not even allowed to masturbate, the perils of performing cunnilingus on the Snow Queen, and penises both blessed and cursed. Oh, and since this seems to surprise everyone, 'tis a girl who makes Oglaf. She just really likes to draw cocks and boobies.
Curvy: Okay, now we're getting into some good old fashioned gratuitous sex. I like to imagine that author Sylvan Migdal fell asleep one night after eating an entire Easter basket while watching Mario Bros-themed lesbian porn and dreamed up Curvy. Anais is a typical high school student until she runs into Fauna Lokjom, a licorice-flavored runaway bride from a dimension called Candy World. You see, there are many worlds in the Curvy universe, and each one has a gimmick (Tragically, we're Boring World). But all the worlds have one thing in common: everyone is pretty much always having sex all the time. The comic may sound as thin as a Necco Wafer, but it's actually chock full of clever sight gags. Read it, then read it again without your hands in your lap.
Ménage à 3: This one's easily the least explicit comic on the list, but it still features plenty of bare breasts and butt sex (albeit the non-graphic kind). A modern update of the classic sex comedy, Ménage ostensibly stars virginal twenty-something Gary, but focuses more on the omnisexual exploits of his friends and roommates. It's full of sitcom misunderstandings, constant innuendo, and quasi-platonic bedsharing. The comic got off to a slow start, but it's improved thanks in part to its expanding cast (especially the addition of tentacle-phobic Yuki and her hilariously improbable backstory). Now if only Gisele would hop to it and draw some wangs.
Chester 5000 XYV: Steampunk robot porn. I like saying that because I imagine the Internet cracks a little bit each time. Actually, Chester isn't terribly steampunky aside from its titular robo sex machine. In a lovely Victorian household, a talented inventor discovers that his wife has an unusually impressive libido. To prevent her from boning him to death, the inventor builds Chester 5000 XYV, the perfect automatic erotic playmate. All seems well until woman and robot fall passionately in love. Chester 5000 XYV is perfectly porny: tastefully titillating without taking itself too seriously, and has not a word of verbal dialogue. Incidentally, creator Jess Fink is also the author of the previously mentioned Star Trek: TNG review comics, which feature lots of sexy Picard.
Doctor Voluptua: Josh Lesnick is the brains behind webcomics-porn-for-pay site Slipshine and the creator of Slipshine comic The Wild, Wet, and Wooly World of Wendy. But he's also got a dirty comic that won't put a dent in your credit card bill. Busty sex psychiatrist Doctor Voluptua has some unconventional methods for treating unconventional sexual dysfunctions, be it a fear of penises, a singing dong, or a need for some unusual accoutrements during coitus. The comic only lasted for three story arcs, but in that brief span we got lots of shiny naked people, smiling wangs, and maracas.
Starfighter: Here's another phrase that might give the Internet a happy little shudder: yaoi sci-fi porn. Admittedly, I don't know much about yaoi, but from what little I know, Starfighter fits the bill: two vaguely effeminate men strike up a relationship where one takes on a more stereotypically "male" role and the other a more stereotypically "female" role. The major difference here is that we actually see their throbbing members in action -- in spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace. Codename Cain is a hotshot fighter pilot who is literally aroused by his own prowess in battle. Codename Abel is his new navigator, a timid pretty boy who defied his wealthy family to join the military. Naturally, there's a lot of power-tripping sex to be had between them.
Posted by Lauren Davis at Sunday, April 11, 2010
Labels: chester 5000 xyv, curvy, doctor voluptua, gisele lagace, hamletmachine, jess fink, josh lesnick, menage a 3, nsfw, oglaf, porn, porn comic, pornographic comic, pornographic webcomic, porn webcomic, sexy losers, starfighter, sylvan migdal, trudy cooper, webcomics