Friday, April 16, 2010

Which Webcomic Robot Should Become Our Robot Overlord?

As I mentioned before, this is National Robotics Week. The NRW mission statement says something about inspiring students to pursue careers in robotics, increase technology funding, blah, blah, blah. We prefer to reflect on the impending robot uprising, when artificial intelligences will rule our lives. Perhaps someday our robotic overlords will resemble the funny, sexy, and badass robots we see each day in the online funny pages. Which webcomics robot would make the best robot overlord? Let's take a look at the options:

Pintsize (Questionable Content): QC's artificially intelligent pervert is always ready with a dirty joke or eight gigs of pr0n. It's not clear whether he was programmed to hit on all of Marten's female friends, or if his personality is an amalgam of fetish websites.
If he became our robot overlord: All human bodies would be used to create an endless supply of increasingly creative dirty pictures. Also, he'd have 24-hour access to Faye's breasts.

Girlbot (The Intrepid Girlbot): She's a girl and a bot, though she wishes she were a little girlier. She also tries to make animal friends, but it doesn't always turn out so well.
If she became our robot overlord: She'd love us and hug us and squeeze us and electrocute us and put us back together -- stronger, faster, better, with laser eyes.

Chester 5000 XYV (Chester 5000 XYV -- NSFW): He's a robot built for erotic play, but he's surpassed his programming and managed to love.
If he became our robot overlord: Every day would Valentine's Day. With orgies.

Warbot (Warbot in Accounting): Possibly the most depressed (and depressing) robot of all time, Warbot is a former killer robot now forced to work a white collar job.
If he became our robot overlord: Everyone would have to be his friend, and touch tone phones would be outlawed.

Red Robot #C-63 (Diesel Sweeties): Unlike his fellow AI Clango, Red Robot has nothing but disdain for the human race. He seems a bit too lazy for mass extermination, though.
If he became our robot overlord: CRUSH HU-MANS! Unless his meatbag girlfriend Freyja beats him up first.

The One Electronic (Rice Boy): Charged by God to find the fulfiller of an ancient prophecy, T-O-E has wander Overside for thousands of years, which has left him emotionally exhausted and a bit snippy.
If he became our robot overlord: Even if he were our overlord, he'd still be stuck with God. That guy's pretty demanding.

Asimov (Marooned): Captain John's faithful robot sidekick, Asimov is stranded on Mars thanks to John's relentless stupidity.
If he became our robot overlord: No one with a passing resemblance to William Shatner would ever be allowed in the space program. And robots get to be the captains now. Let humans be the faithful sidekicks for once.

The Court Robots (Gunnerkrigg Court): Several robots hang around Gunnerkrigg Court, some awesome, some terrible. They serve various functions around the court, but many are looking for means of personal fulfillment, such as learning how to whistle.
If they became our robot overlords: They'd do away with those antiquated rules against robot-human romantic entanglements, and spend a lot of time waiting for Godot looking at that picture of Jeanne.

Div (Penny Arcade): What happens when your DIVX player attains sentience? He becomes the frat boy version of the Monster from the Id: chugging booze, sexing up the other electronics, and slinging homophobic insults at his roommates.
If he became our robot overlord: All humans would be thenceforth referred to as "gayboy," regardless of gender and sexual orientation.

The Madblood Androids (Narbonic): The mad scientist Professor Lupin Madblood created 15,000 robotic doppelgängers to serve as his robot army, but they had a tendency to slip from his control.
If they became our robot overlords: They're more interested in unionizing machines than world domination, thank you very much.

Moustachio the Thinkonium (Skin Horse): He may seem like a nice enough chap, but make no mistake, Moustachio is capable of bloody slaughter, especially if wound too tight.
If he became our robot overlord: He'd command the least flakey human on Earth to wind him once a day, not too tightly please.

Eve (Applegeeks): Built from Apple hardware to be the perfect girlfriend. But despite her sexy exterior, she is overcome by childish tantrums and anti-PC rage.
If she became our robot overlord: Each morning, we'd have our Five Minutes of Hate, using "I'm a Mac, I'm a PC" commercials as political propaganda. Steve Jobs would be enshrined as a god, and Bill Gates would be routinely burned in effigy.

Ping (Megatokyo): Ping comes to us from Sony instead of Apple, a complex PS2 accessory designed to interact with and care for geeks with poor social skills. She can change her personality, memories, and appearance to emulate different dating sims, which she finds a handy way of avoiding emotional pain.
If she became our robot overlord: She'd always be worrying that people only like her because she's our robot overlord, and that they don't like the "real" her.

The Dingbots (Girl Genius): The little robot "clanks" built by Agatha Heterodyne are clever mechanics that tend to build endless inferior copies of themselves. They are fairly useful critters, but most fall apart over time.
If they became our robot overlords: You would think they'd order all the world's mad scientists to build them sturdier bodies, but really they'd be too caught up in their own internal conflicts.

Vote for your choice for robot overlord below -- and include any additional choices in the comments.

Who would make the best robot overlord?


Barnacle Bill said...

What? No Marketroid?

Lauren Davis said...

@Barnacle Bill: Ooh, good one. Of course, if a marketer took over the Earth, would things be much different?

Anonymous said...

Quality issues aside, Zeke should be included.

Verdilak said...

I would have to go with Eve, easily. She wants to be a superhero and paints, she obviously would be the best robot to lord over us.

shaggy said...

What? No Hondo? :)

D. said...

What, no Liebot?

OasisGames said...

What? No ... Oh wait, I don't have a webcomic.

OnyxSparrow said...

The Grouchbot of Autumn Lake is the true robot overlord... we must destroy all that is Un-grouchy!

mordicai said...

I voted Red Robot, but I meant Exploding Dog Red Robot. Same thing?

The One Guy said...

I can think of a couple you left out: Zeke from Ctrl+Alt+Del (You have Apple and Sony, it's only fair to include the Microsoft (and Nintendo, but I can't seem to find one of those)), and the robot girls from YOSH!

Kenneth said...

I voted Ping but I would've voted Zeke, if he was included.

Chill said...

Don't forget Evil Future-Robot from Monsterhood and Robot from Robot Beach!

Shouri said...


Anonymous said...

No zeke means I went for Warbot

Anonymous said...

What about atomic robo?!

taracat said...

Where's Hob (Dresden Kodak)? Kimiko would be displeased that he's missing o_O

Michael said...

What? No Lovebot?

If he were our robot overlord he would love us all and we would all love one another and our love would most likely destroy the world knowing the comic he's from.

Anonymous said...

TOE is the only righteous answer.

Anonymous said...

No love for the FF?

I'm voting for Eve anyway.

DG1 said...

What about Zeke from CAD? (Ctrl+Alt+Del)

Anonymous said...

How could you forget the Longshoreman of the Apocalypse? He already is a Robot overlord.

Sixthcrow said...

Going old school here. Erwin from We'd also get Dustpuppy as Vice Lord

O8h7w said...

I'd like to vote for Momo, from Questionable Content. She is reasonably intelligent and not half as gross as Pintsize...

But she does have some naughty dreams, check out the current QC strip (May 4:th 2010).

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